For those faithful followers (meaning those who have read both posts), you may have noticed I didn't blog yesterday. I know that probably made your case of the Mondays even worse. I apologize but I am not a machine. The last thing we all need is me coming down with a case of carpal tunnel syndrome. But in all honesty, I didn't blog yesterday because when I checked my bank account I did not see any deposits. I guess none of you sent your checks to pay for your subscriptions. I will continue to blog but FYI, I expect those by the end of next week. Entertainment isn't free and neither is the crap that I spit out.
"The internet killed the movie,tv, and radio star"
Today I tasted the dark side of stardom. I had a feeling that I might end up like Chris Crocker or Tila Tequila (you know, extremely famous and classy at the same time. I also figured VH1 would be calling me to do a dating show where I made out with lesbians while wearing a bikini but I had already decided to turn that one down. Not due to moral high ground but figured I could make more money if I premeried on the silver screen over cable television.) But I had no idea I would reach celebrity status after 2 posts. I have shocked myself. You are probably asking, "Matt, how do you know you are so famous other than your celebrity good looks and your beautiful fiance that belongs on the red carpet?" The answer, I have a stalker (I really wanted to say I saw myself on TMZ). My stalker decided to try to become me today. That is right, I experienced identity theft for the first time in my life. I did what any other celebrity would do in this situation, called my agent . And by agent I mean my credit card company. After practicing my dance moves to their awesome elevator music for 10 minutes, I had the joy of hearing about all the gifts my stalker had bought me. He went all out by spending ~$200 in small <$5 purchases in probably 8 states. I don't know when I will recieve my gifts but I am recieving a new card in the mail in 7 days. This scares me because I now know I can't just go out and eat whenever I want. I can't just go to the grocery store and act like a normal person. I have a stalker and will probably have to check into getting a body guard. For those sane fans/followers that are reading this post, I have a request. If I don't post for 4-5 days, please call, or email, or facebook check on me. I could very well be kidnapped or worse, I could just be lazy and realized I don't have any stalkers (Most likely the first option).
Now you know the rest of the story.
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Oh man! I guess yours is a good identity to steal...why didn't I think of that?
ReplyDeletewow. i dont even know what to say. some people just call it identity theft, but yours is a stalker. i hope it really is and he/she sends you those $5 gifts. i hope they are really creepy and weird but mean something to him/her. ok, who am i kidding? it was me.
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